Wellness works: The gift of moving beyond fear
by Susan Rudnicki“From this moment on, every voice that told you, you can’t, is silenced…every reason that tells you things will never change, disappears… and the person you were before this moment, that person’s turn is over, now it’s your turn…”
This memorable quote was spoken by Hillary Swank as she played the role of a teacher for an underprivileged, gang-infested student population in the movie “Freedom Writers.” This quote simultaneously chilled my spine and soothed my soul. I pondered the underlying reason that these students, and people from all walks of life, have struggled with finding their voice, their purpose and reaching their potential. From my personal struggles and observations of others, the answer is simply stated, though awesomely complex. It can be summed up in one powerful word: fear.
I frequently peruse self-help books and magazines to read life-changing accounts of others. I recently stumbled upon an article about a woman, age 42, who overcame her fear of surfing. Even though she had desired to surf for many years and had been an avid athlete, she avoided the sport by convincing herself that it was too hard and that she was too old to learn.
She finally realized that she did not want fear to “own” her, and she found a surf instructor who had helped her fall in love, not with him, but with overcoming fear. He encouraged her to look fear in the eye and say thanks for its invitation. He also had guided her to trust her instincts, so she moved forward based on his faith and hope in her abilities, until she could muster the courage and strength to “own” this belief system. She ultimately learned to ride the waves and work her way through the churning waters. She realized that fear was more of a coward than she had imagined.
After providing psychological services for hundreds of clients over the last two decades, I have seen the eyes of fear presenting themselves as piercing obstacles, inhibiting people’s movement forward, freezing them in their tracks, sometimes for years. How does your fear present itself: Is it the fear of not getting the approval you desire from others; fear of achieving success and uncertainty of whether you can maintain it; fear of rejection and vulnerability; or perhaps a combination of fears?
Many individuals lack the fortitude to gaze into the eyes of fear; they avoid what they might see. I have witnessed the defensive nature of spouses and parents, failing to apologize to their significant others for their personal limitations, for fear of being “less than perfect.” What these individuals fail to realize is the damaging effects of these actions on their loved ones, leading to self-destructive behaviors such as alcohol and drug use, teenage runaway behavior, or poor academic and work performances. These individuals, controlled by fear, miss out on the true meaning of life, which is actually accepting the wonderful gifts that fear and vulnerability can offer – love, intimacy, self-worth, happiness and courage.
Learn how to let go of grudges and be gracious by allowing others to have the last word; learn how to accept your inadequacies and limitations and apologize for your mistakes; learn how to let others see all of you, your strengths and shortcomings; and learn how to be a courageous fighter by breaking free of the voices that darken your spirits – finding your own, authentic voice undoubtedly leads you to the brightest discoveries in that which you fear.
Editor’s note: Dr. Susan Rudnicki is a clinical health psychologist, certified personal trainer, wellness speaker and owner of SusanPh.D.com Mind & Body in Dunwoody, therapy practice and fitness studio. www.SusanPhd.com.